I can’t imagine Halloween in the Spring. It’s so much about the crisp cool breeze and falling leaves. And pumpkins. And things that smell good: apples, cinnamon, squash, also pumpkins, you know, nutmeg. It’s about getting out there, reaching out for the last possible enjoyment of nature and the subtle earthly pleasures before it all freezes. And paying to work as a migrant worker (applepicking) and throwing leaves around and about!!

Suddenly I feel forlorn for Fall…

Anyway, imagine Halloween in somewhere warm?! Must feel weird, but I’ll bet there is one upside:

Halloween was quite some time ago so let me jog your memory. Picture this. Sticky face paint, make up and glitter peppered across your dresser, waiting–wanting to be used. Loosely sewn mini Disney character ensembles resting impatiently in their plastic petroleum casings. Their colors scream, loudly, “Wear Me! Take Me! Take Me Now!!”. Fishnet thigh highs with colored bows, bundled, perched on the side of your nightstand. Their size is deceiving, when pushed and probed, they expand and become your second holey skin, so very accommodating; molding and shaping to the shifts and contours of your leg. Bing Bam Boom, you get it all on, you throw on your coat, you’re tripping on your platformed stilettos on your way out the door and you start the night off with a riveting, loyal gust of arctic wind!

Sadly this is it. This is what Halloween, Mardi Gras and Carnaval is or has become. Some of us may think it’s annoying here in our little corner of the world, but imagine how much worse it could be in in lazy-lovertown, the Big Easy, where they celebrate MARDI GRAS JAZZ STYLE? or in the land of Bronze-Brawn BRRRRRAZIL where they celebrate CARNAVAL.

If New England’s cold hard element’s aren’t enough to fend off the assortment of bold ladies (and sometimes gentlemen) in skimp and skin-clad suits… I’d hate to see what happens in places where windchill isn’t a problem.

My plans for Fat Tuesday are actually quite basic and true to the unholy day itself. I will plan to eat fatty things and be gluttonous. And not in the sexy way.

Well I guess some people think that’s sexy… (Or Gross)