I see an 86 year old woman every other day. I’m her companion, so that means I get in, sit down, ask about her day, and then we try to have an organic, stimulating conversation for two hours.

It’s great, really. And the nice thing is that we can sit and talk about fabrics, patterns, hair cuts, hair color, pants, skirts, dresses, blouses, everything and everything. It’s such fun. Almost every time, she explains to me that she was very much on her game in her day. We talk about why this is important. I, too, am very selective about the clothes I choose to decorate my form with. I’ve devised a list to demonstrate why this is so:

1. Presentation is key. Always. With just about anything. Your business model. Your thesis. Your case. Your homemade cake.

2. People who say they don’t care how they look are idiots. Just, by definition. If you like things like normal social interaction, falling in love, receiving a compliment or being outside, you will inadvertently care how you look to some degree. So those of you who do this, stop. You sound like an angsty 14 year old.

3. People who say personal style is a plague of the narcissistic and the indulgent are trying to bring you down. If you find yourself in a debate with such a person, check to see if they’re cursed with unfortunate genetics. Block your ears and run away if this is true because they’re only trying to delude you, which is a grave offense where other people are concerned. Listen to me. Listen. Do not let anyone try and delude you, as a general rule.

4. Looking good shows you care. And that you’re a go-getter. And that you’re savvy. And that you actually want things in this life.

5. People want to talk to you if you’re put together. If they do talk to you and it goes well, then they want to be your friend. And you can’t have enough friends! Plus, people like having attractive friends. They just do.

6. Don’t fall into the trap. Because it’s a trap, a catch 22. If you start this, you won’t be able to get yourself out of it. People who are bitter about personal style will try to fight you through the shallow angle. Fine it is. Who cares if it’s shallow. The alternative is to blend into the sea of grey mediocrity. The alternative is waking up in the morning, moving towards a pile of ragged clothes on the floor and grabbing the Polo shirt your mom bought you junior year of high school, despite the dribbled toothpaste mark thats been left just under the left collar for the past 6 weeks. The alternative is turning your underwear inside out.

Don’t do this.
Don’t get anywhere near this.

I’m getting to extremes, and that’s not even where my worries lie. It’s really the fact that I can’t drive anywhere without seeing a whole slew of people who look like underachievers. Sweatpants. Badly fit jeans. Tee shirts that are either way too small or way too big. People still dress like they did in middle school even after they graduate college. We wonder why it’s that this generation is less prosperous than their parents. This is why. This generation has been retarded, slowed and coddled.

And it isn’t very becoming.