sO I’ve been trying to get all zen about myself lately. I’ve been meditating. I’ve been dropping my attachments, my incessant need to please, my lifelong quest for undying approval and acceptance from others, the need for a sense of belonging and all the other things that aren’t so much a condition of being human as they are a byproduct.

Which. Has. Been. Great.

I really couldn’t be happier about it.

Obviously, my new found enlightenment is going to make some waves. I mean, the understanding, accommodating, yielding lamb I used to be is gone and replaced with this fearless, unapologetic, demanding, sort of wielding spirit. Plus the resentment people will feel for my newfound peace is just going to have to be something I live with. SIGH. It’s like being vegan.

Like spiritual veganism.

Anyway here are the top 10 things I’ve learned on my newfound 8fold path:

1. I don’t have to feel angry about things that happen. Or sad. #dryyourtears
2. If I do get angry, it means I have a problem and I need to get over it . Bitching, whining, complaining, blaming are all wiped out in the face of ultimate responsibility. This force isn’t so much a weight as it is a kind of energy source…#MIGHTYHULKBATMAN
3. If I get over it, then I think about why I’m glad the original thing that made me angry is in my life. #lifelessons
4. The idea is mostly about doing things you think are cool rather than having to deal with uncool situations. It’s kind of like when kids play when they’re in that imagination phase and then they have to deal with a harsh displeasing reality and they just find a way to distract themselves. #imnotphased
5. Since you’re so busy living in the moment all the time and appreciating the bounty of gifts the universe is giving you at all times, there’s a lot of stress free lalalaing, which is like hallucinating. #duuuuuuude
6. This means most of the day is spent interacting and doing things that naturally occur to you to do, which means most of the day is spent doing FuNStuFF #oratleastthingsyouhave”convinced”yourselfarefun
7. You can find a way to not be miserable, but instead be happy, even in the most grueling tasks #marypoppins
8. Most things people stress about are self induced and you realize that most people are sick and crazy, in one way or another, because they’ve been living their  whole lives taking cues from other people that are sick and crazy (their parents and teachers and stuff) because no one knows what’s going on and because people have no idea how to find peace. #idiotsjkjk
9. I mean there is really so much to say. #brevity
10. But also, employing awareness of how you act and what you say in all your interactions makes you realize how STUPID YOU ARE ALL THE TIME and you cant help but love yourself for it in the kind of way people think pugs are cute but really they’re horrifyingly ugly #crazyeyes

I’m fully open to the idea that this is a phase, which will pass, and it will just be a fun thing I did for a while (like yoga and being vegan). If I don’t keep it going very long and a few posts down you see an emotionally unsettling mess of garbage, you’ll know.

The whole world will know.

And if I succeed, you’ll know. That I am A WARRIOR.

And at least I will have gallantly tried to find salvation.

WOOPWOOP

#dreamer