I need the following things:

Pajamas.
A bucket of ice for my head.
To light some candles.
The nuzzle of a warm cat.
A depressant of some sort.
Maybe in the form of a dirty martini.
That I can throw in the face of the JERK WHO IS KEEPING MY SIM CARD HOSTAGE.

I sold my locked 3gs two days ago.
When I sold it, it had my sim card inside. Even though. And this is the scary part: I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER REMOVING IT AND PLACING IT ON MY BOOKSHELF.

Yesterday, I bought an UNLOCKED 3GS. Beautiful. I go home to put the sim card in and its not there and every hair stands pin straight once I uncover this unpleasant discovery.

The man, who has my sim card and my old phone, says that he has it but he wont “be home tonight” and that he can give it to me tomorrow. What? What?  Do you have a FLIGHT? A SLUMBER PARTY? Will you not at SOME POINT IN THE NIGHT COME HOME AND CURL INTO YOUR BED AND SLEEP!?

Yes. I may be overreacting. But its the principle. And this principle has been amplified as a result of all the other terrible phone related issues that have happened this week.

Does he think that this is going to be a date? That something else could happen BEYOND me literally showing up. Taking the sim card and then LEAVING!? This will not be an investment of your time. Jerk.

Seriously. Someone has cursed me with the evil eye. It isn’t possible for one human being to be condemned with so many phone problems in ONE WEEK. Its not possible! Are there any good witches that can help me? Any Glindas?! I have reached desperation!!!

I may make a recording of my sighing and then include it in this post.