I just saw four silver minivans in a row on the highway. Literally four consecutive minivans. Same minivan. Toyota. Four.

I wonder if they’re a club. I actually hope they are a club. That would make sense to me. Four guys who don’t quite fit in, they all buy silver minivans they don’t need as a funny, expensive joke. They frivolously use our limited natural resources by insisting on going places together but in separate minivans in order to confuse people like me who don’t understand why anyone would buy a minivan. But they’re for families and children who play lacross? Right. Children are small. Lacross sticks are small. Soccer balls are small. 14 year olds are also small most of the time. And any kid older than 14 wouldn’t be caught dead in a minivan because they are acutely aware of the embarrassment minivans come with.

Why can’t three kids fit into the backseat of a normal sedan? I hear they can… They’re such a waste of our resources.

No one really needs a minivan. It’s a delusion that, unfortunately, many subscribe to. They’re ugly. And no one needs to be watching Finding Nemo while driving. Not you. And not your kid.

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